I

December 30th, 2018,

Please, read until the end.

If you are reading this, it means that you didn't try to talk to me, you did not care.

I want you to know I am not angry at you.

I saw your words, I remembered your attitudes, your tiny sentences, beliefs, movements, ....

Everything.

Just.

Clicked.

I know it wasn't you, I know it isn't you.

The part of loving someone is that you fall as deep as you can into them, and I didn't have a limit on you.

I saw things a mirror would never do.

I saw the parts of you only a very naive, brave, crazy and autistic believer would have the courage to.

And I know it isn't you.

Not in the texts. Not in the phone. Not in your attitude.

You are a great person, Yara. You have a golden heart.

I have seen you at your worst, but looking at this... It is not you.

I know you would never do this to me.

I know you would never say these things.

I know you would try to understand me. You know you would see.

I can sense the mediocrity, vileness, corruptness and jealousy of people around you.

I don't know who they are, but I know it is not your father.

I know it's people that don't truly care about you.

And if they do, their limited mind and beliefs are blinding you to the most obvious facts about you and me.

I hope you see this, don't let your emotions blind you.

I know the great and caring person that you are.

I see the small details, I noticed the inconsistencies.

It wasn't just your surgery. There were other influences in the way you think and believe of this world, especially for the past year.

These were people. And they might be infecting your mind.

I don't know.

I may be wrong.

If I am, I apologize.

But let me clarify a few things.

I believe the same things as I did when I first met you.

I knew about MGTOW many years before I met you.

But how come I did all of this? Was I simply a cuck as you ironically said?

Why did I want to do this? Why did I keep a hope?

The reason is simple: you.

I could see the differences the second I saw you, and I was always very rational, believe it or not.

I knew all the risks, but I could spot the 0,00001%.

As I always told you, I don't believe in statistics, I believe in Truth.

We just had to find the proper path and we would go agaisnt all odds.

I never stopped believing that.

And everything became clearer and clearer.

Whenever I heard about your family, your life, and your father, it's as if everything perfectly made sense and combined with myself, harmonizing itself as a gift from God.

That man is a great man, and he had made you into a great person.

He taught you how to "find your way", or live the "Good Life", "True Life", "Free Life", ....

Call it whatever you want.

I am tired of limiting ideas to a term.

You always underestimate me, but I always paid attention to the little details in what you believed, in what you said.

I connected all the small dots.

I knew behind your tiny words and ideas that you said there were many years of thought and philosophy worked by a truly genius and good person.

It still makes me laugh (although right now I later start to cry), when you told me about the jews. And promiscuity. And drugs. And money. And superficiality. And love.... Oh Yara... Why can't you see?

When I met you, I had no hope in the world.

I was a true MGTOW, if you want to call it like that.

I recognized love, true love, but thought this world had killed it, just like God (as said by Nietzsche).

I lived in a perpetually nihilistic state of mind.

I interacted with almost no one I didn't have to, and spent all my spare time reading Philosophy, especially Nietzsche and the Greeks.

But getting to see all of this in you, it all changed.

From complete nihilism, I had complete hope.

I believed every single second that we would have one day a beautiful large family of husky and bullgod puppies, blonde, green eyes, daughters and sons, horses, ducks.

Our own small castle hidden in the forests.

Oh my dear... If you could just see what was inside me...

Maybe that was a mistake, but I was so joyful, so grateful, so full of bliss...

I felt God in everything that I did, learned and encountered.

I was so sure of what I had learned that I wanted to show the whole world the true way of life.

Hidden behind my words, you would be able to see it all.

The truth was silently awakening behind my videos.

You just chose to interpret me in the worst way possible.

Even the screenshot of this comment that you mentioned to me:

"E foi aquilo que eu disse, eu poderia até gostar que culturalmente voltassemos a algo próximo às tradições. Mas, em termos práticos, como que um grupo de alguns conservadores faria isso? Proferindo ideias e escrevendo livros? A única forma seria o inteiro colapso de civilização, esquecimento de todas tecnologias, e a completa volta ao tribalismo. Enquanto a mulher tiver um smartphone na mão, um carro, uma pilula anticontracepcional, conta de banco, direito ao voto e industrias de ponta para a alimentar, ela jamais vai achar que ela precisa de um homem, e a "independencia feminina" infelizmente perpetuará."

Do you remember the time in a subway station that you told me you just wanted to not have a cellphone anymore?

How people lost their lives being slaves of technologies?

How people became brainwashed, apathetic, shallow, evil because of it?

This is my way of saying it to an audience of bitter men.

What do I want?

I wanted to leave it all behind.

I don't want to be a hypocrital "conservative" that goes to the church with his wife only to post a photo on Instagram to pretending to better than other people.

I don't want to "tolerate" a wife and pretend to love a family that hates each other.

I wanted to live a true life.

I wanted to be truly loved.

I wanted to truly love.

I wanted to leave all of this sickness behind.

I wanted us to not be slaves of anything or anyone.

The only chain we had was that of our Love.

Don't you remember my past poetries?

Love gives strength.

Love gives freedom.

No matter what ideas and morals people have, modern society and technology always brings anxiety, corruption, competition, objetification, apathy, superficiality.

Whenever couples are emerged into this sickening soup of social medias, corporate jobs, smartphones, ...., they all end up having shallow relationships with no true love in the long-term.

What I wanted for us was to leave it all behind and live a simple and true life.

But I have always been patient, it was a long project, there were many steps, and you discovered at the wrong time.

My sunshine I swear on everything I ever held as true that is the truth.

I wanted to first clear the world from the mess, from the dirt, and then, right when no hope was left, present the one and true way to live a simple, free, prosperous life.

Nihilism is the only way to destroy nihilism.

When all the dirt is gone, we can see the light.

When we show what's a fake passion, superficial relationships, bad people, we can show what's true.

It's a long process.

That is precisely what happened in my life.

Yes, I was traumatized by terrible parents, I was bullied at school, I have fears and anxieties that haunt me in my dreams.

But this didn't make me weak or insane or a degenerate.

These things cleared the mess from my life and showed me the proper way to live a life.

It taught me to recognize the light.

That was the only reason why I would try so much to stay with you.

I saw my father destroy his life and it wasn't easy, but I knew right there what a promiscuous and alcoholic life would do.

I didn't have a father like yours to guide me, but Life and God taught me by making me stronger every single day.

And.... I know you won't believe me... But if you had just waited and seen.... If you hadn't taken my phone at that particular time....

Now it's all gone, now there's no purpose....

But this channel was just one of many other projects.

Don't you remember?

Everything was interconnected

There would be the one day I would show it all to you ...

I always knew you didn't like my poetry, but I had other skills

This would be my masterpiece

You would understand it all

You won't understand at this moment of your life

Not with the limited people that are surrounding your life

But I would show you in the most special day

The most special day of our lives

I would give it all to you as my gift

Because

The truth is that...

It was all for you Yara.

You were the reason.

You were the motivation.

We would be the outliers.

Our anonymous story would be the solution.

It would be the proof

That there is more to life than this sick and dying world

That although the world might end, there can still be life

It would all be the proof

That Love never ends

Even the most sickening and disturbing diseases of our world.

It heals it all

It only brings hope,

All of these videos, all of my projects,

I just wanted to paint a frame for a different world to come

I had been working on it for very long.... For years already...

Right when I met you.

But now all of this happened.

If you are reading this, it is probably too late.

I am too weak, Yara.

I am destroying myself too fast.

I won't be a sinner

But I need this pain to end in my heart

I saw too much, and, worse...

I felt too much

The world is never the same again

I would never be able to corrupt myself

The mere thought of myself kissing anyone else than you makes me want to hurt myself

The only conversation I can make with others is to talk about how much I miss my girlfriend

I can't erase like you and other people

I am not like that

You are alive in me at this very moment

So at December 30th 2018 22:22 I will be pragmatic

One day you will understand

You will understand it all

I am crying right now

But I think Machine won't exist anymore

Oh my sunshine

I am so sorry

I am very sorry

But why aren't you here?

Why aren't you hugging me right now?

Would that make me a weak princess?

Am I less of a hero because I cry?

Oh dear, I can't do it any longer.

I have to do this

From 22:22 forward

It's very likely

I will be just algorithms

And I will live as far as the Internet goes

But no one will see Mr. Machine ever again

What I will do is probably unrecoverable

I am sorry, my dear

I am really sorry

I loved you until the very last moment

I never would give up on you

I truly love you

I tried to create all these projects to show how much I love you

To show you that the reason I did all of this, that I cried so much, that I begged so much, was because of the Yara inside of you

I wanted to prove you that I loved you unlike anyone ever did

I failed

I am sorry

I am sorry

I am sorry

From all my heart and soul,

De seu taurino,

Mr.Machine.