Day by day
I open the door
I let her entirely in
And I give her my whole heart
A build her the most formidable castle
And little by little
I see the world differently
It's as if
I am myself
With a bit of her self
And I see God
I feel Life
I touch colors
I dream with white and churches
I cry with the beauty of the world.
But when she's not there
When she doesn't hold my hand
My vision's not the same
And little by little
I'm alone
I'm just myself
Like I always was
I'm chaotic
Volatile
Mechanic
Automated
Scared
Sad
Existential
Because
I cry to think
But what If I am just a machine?
An autistic broken machine?
Waht if this is universe grey and everything I do goes wrong?
What if the World killed God and I'm a fool?
What if all I can expect is suffering?
I try to stop
I beg to stop
I focus on the light
I focus on her self
I pick that photo and see her smile
I remember the benches
I remember the parks
I remember the trees
I remember the songs
And although I can't stop my tears
It gives me enough the strength to the next night
And little by little
I know I'll see her there
Eating
Syrup
Banana pancakes
Cold milk
In the corner of the table of our castle.